CP 241 Can I tell you something?

CP 241 Can I tell you something?

Hello friends, another item this week on terribly destructive business of judging others. Last week’s blog on this subject generated a fair bit of feedback. And I’ve been doing a bit more thinking and remembering as well. I want to share just one more example of the deadly impact of shaming which might make many of us, me included, ashamed before the Lord.

Can I tell you something?

Here is the story. It’s about ten years ago. I’m having an unexpected conversation with a woman I barely know. ‘Can I tell you something I’ve never told another soul?’ ‘Sure,’ says Fred. She tells me. ‘That man over there is my husband. The two young people with him are our son and daughter. Before we were married I became pregnant to my husband. I’m so ashamed to tell you this, but we decided to abort the child. I knew it was wrong then. I know it even more deeply now. I’ve been coming here almost every Sunday for all those years, and I’ve confessed it every Sunday, but I’ve never been free of it. I hear the forgiveness but it is as though it doesn’t work for me.’

Yes, I was taken aback. When confessions come out of the blue like that there are always a few moments where you think, ‘Did I really hear that.’ To cut a long story short, we talked a bit, with me gently asking questions. We prayed, with me asking the Lord to set her free from the contract she had made with the ‘other side’. I spoke with my pastoral authority, in Jesus’ name, and also, in Jesus’ name, cut off the stronghold of shame within which she had lived for more than 20 years. She prayed to be filled with Christ’s Spirit. Joy can be amazing to see. Her freedom to know her freedom in Christ was instantaneous.

I immediately asked a question, and should have asked a second.

Here is the question I asked. ‘How come you gave yourself permission to have that abortion?’ Her answer astounded me then and it still does. “My Father is a prominent official in the church and I didn’t want to bring shame on him and mum.”

It stunned me then. It stuns me still. How is it that we have created such a fear of personal or communal shame that those who cause it are nudged to the truly shameful – to save the skin of the righteous? You and I both know this stuff happened. We have all been part of the ‘Cover up shame’ brigade. In this case, ‘Let’s have an abortion because that will save face for my parents.’ In one case I’m aware of one young woman stood on the edge of a high-rise trying to summon the courage to take that fateful step. In others, girls were utterly terrified of their parents. Others were cut-off from their families in (un)righteous indignation… ‘Never darken the doorstep again!’

I am grateful beyond words that my Lord Jesus the Messiah entered not only into my skin, but also my sin and shame. He bore the shame. He did not seek to avoid it. He did this for me, in my place What a great word is written in Hebrews:

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

I could easily be, or have been, part of that judgemental culture. How mortified would I be if my kids felt driven to do something shameful to save my skin. Kyrie eleison.

Oh yes, the question I should have asked? Where was your boyfriend / husband when that decision was being made?

There you are… once again got something out of my system.

Be blessed in the Messiah. Fred